Missionary Mommy Blog

You may have noticed that I (Becky) do a lot of the writing on this blog.  For that reason, it has turned into a sort of “missionary mommy blog” where you get the perspective of the wife of the missionary doing the “mission” work.  As the blog turned into this, rather than a mode of frequently updating you on Jonathan’s work at EBCoM, we both started to see the value in this perspective.  Many times, the missionary’s work is seen as spreading the Gospel message of Christ through telling people groups about Jesus who have never heard about Him before.  In our case, Jonathan is building up the existing church through training pastors and lay leaders in Biblical knowledge, history and application.  He also preaches at BIC churches, often accompanied by church leaders to encourage more remote congregations.  But, there is another side to missions. 

When we became missionaries, we didn’t cease being husband and wife OR parents.  In fact, what I came to do is to continue my role of supporting Jonathan and my role as the mother of our children by raising them at home, just like when we were home in PA.  This is not how every missionary does it - we're all different - but this is how we have decided to do it in this season. 

In my daily missionary work, I am spreading the Gospel through the way I act, the words I sing, the things I do or don’t do with my children, the way I discipline myself and my children, the books I read, the pictures I draw, the imaginary worlds I enter into, the dancing and wrestling I participate in, the giggles I share, and the hugs and kisses I give.  I rarely get to engage with Malawians beyond friendly greetings and buying vegetables.  I don’t lead any Bible studies, although I do teach kids Sunday School once a month.  I don’t translate the Bible into other languages – I’m struggling just to learn Chichewa, the local language here.  So, many days it is easy to feel a sense of defeat.  How can I call myself a missionary?!?!

I’ve felt called for as long as I can remember to be a teacher, a missionary and a mom.  I’ve been all three of these things already in different forms, but as I dig deeper into the calling of being a mom and missionary, I’m starting to see how calling can have phases and chapters in our lives as well.  Just because I feel called to all three of these things does not mean I need to do each one at maximum strength all my life long!  Each role has many ways of playing out in life, well beyond what immediately comes to mind when you hear “teacher,” “missionary,” and “mom.” 

Over the past 9 months I’ve really wrestled with this.  I want to engage with other Malawians more deeply.  I want to really learn Chichewa to better communicate with others.  I want to connect with the kids in the preschool on campus and the women in the wives' program.  I want to translate children's books and read them in Chichewa.  I want to....well, the daydreams go on and on.  As I have expressed this longing to do more and feeling of defeat when I can’t seem to reach out much further than my own children, I have gotten very consistent feedback from past and present missionaries and moms. 

Give yourself a break.  Give your kids a break. 
Your children ARE your first mission field.

Spreading the Gospel as a mom starts with my own children.  If they are neglected, much more harm can be done.  A friend recently told me of a missionary kid’s plea “How many African souls were worth mine?”  In training, another missionary kid’s struggle with his dad was shared, “Would you love me if I were African?”  Missionaries can be so engrossed in their own work that they neglect their own family.  This does not reflect the Gospel well to their children nor to those to whom they are preaching! 

So, as I snuggle up with my kiddos to read another book…

or run inside to get a pair of pants so Micah can wear them on his head to be a turtle (!)…

or answer continuous questions of “why”…

or teach my kids how to share...again…

or coax “just three more bites” into a reluctant mouth…

or join in the spontaneous pint-sized dancing going on in the living room…
or simply play with my kids as they attempt to make sense of the world around them...

I am loving my kids.

And that love opens their ears and eyes and hearts to what I do and say and believe.

My little "turtle" :o)

My cutie-pie

And I believe in God the Father Almighty,
Who sent His love to us through Jesus,
Who opened the door for us to come back to God, forgiven. 
God, who wants to snuggle up with us, His children, and tell us how much He loves us
and wants to be in our lives. 

And as my kids see that and believe that and live that out too, that’s called discipleship. 

Letting the kids splash in the puddles
because rainy season only comes
but once a year!

So, I guess I am spreading the Gospel.  And I want other missionary moms to be liberated in their role of being moms, too.

There very well may be other chapters coming where I exercise other roles and talents in my life in different ways than I am able to now.  One missionary recently commented how she's lived longer than she ever imagined she would and has had time for many different ministries after her years of raising little ones.  This gives me hope and encouragement.

So, for now, I’m discovering this chapter.  In this freedom to discover, I find challenge, joy and delight in my children.  I think God delights in that, too.

Lent turning to Easter

Lenten Journey 

The last time we posted, it was the beginning of Lent.  As it turns out, a lot happened in Lent which resulted in an unintentional fast from blog posting!  We’ll try to make up for that now as there’s so much to update you on!

The biggest challenge of Lent was another unintentional fast – 26 days without reliable running water.  To be fair, for the first week, the water would come on at night around 6pm and go out by 7am the next morning, so it wasn’t that much of a hardship.  We’d fill up when there was water and live off of it and runoff rain water the rest of the time.  But then, there was no running water at all and very infrequent rain.  So, we had to go get water in our jerry cans from the tap on campus or sometimes from our neighbors.  This proved to be a “yay” and “yuck” duck experience. 

[For those of you who aren’t familiar with our “yay” and “yuck” ducks, here they are….

It’s a pair-of-ducks….par-a-dox...paradox.  There is the good and the bad in situations.  You can just side with one and be an optimist or the other and be a pessimist, or you can hold both in tension at the same time in paradox.  It’s hard to do, but it’s an important skill to master in a well-balanced life and perspective.  The ducks are a way to make it a fun and approachable concept for kids.]

YUCK – Walking the 5 minutes (I know, it could be much farther) up to the tap/faucet on campus to wait in line to fill a container with water and then carry it back home (often with both kids along) was not my idea of a great time. 

YAY – While waiting in line, I got to practice my Chichewa and learn some new words like kuseka = to laugh.  Of course, I asked for this word because the children in line were laughing at me, but hey, it’s okay…I’m different!   We were also very thankful for our house helper who did a lot of water carrying for us!

The problem ended up being a broken pump which got fixed on day 26 which resulted in much rejoicing across campus!  Not having water in our faucets for that long even changed my expectation.  I didn’t even try the faucet most times.  I've heard before that when you do something for three weeks, it makes a habit.  It’s true – after 2-3 weeks, the way I lived my life changed – the way I did the dishes, bathed, gave the kids baths, cleaned the house…my routines changed and I adjusted.  No big deal, right? 

Well, then there were the days when the power went out, too.  On these days, we often turn to eating PB&J sandwiches and fruit.  We cook dinner on our propane stove and we strive not to open the fridge or freezer at all since we have no idea how long until power returns.  No big deal, right?

No, these didn't seem like big deals, but after a while of dealing with them, even with a good attitude, they start wearing on you without you realizing it and you get worn out.  

Lent is a time many people seek to identify with Jesus’ 40 days in the desert.  It was a trying time for him, but His true colors, so to speak, showed through as he remained faithful to God and remained true to His calling.  Going without water for 26 days turned out to be a desert experience for me, plunging me deeper into self-reflection and reliance on God.  It is often in these times of challenge that I find the most satisfying refreshment and rejuvenation in Scripture, prayer and journaling.  It was also when Jonathan and I (and even the kids, it seemed) experienced our "6 month slump" in culture adjustment.  That's when all the challenges that haven't seemed all that bad up until that point join forces and discourage, slow you down and sometimes even depress.  Not a real fun time, but at least "slump" implies that you came from a higher place and return to it, right?  And we do feel that we've come out of that slump for the most part.  It's just really interesting that all these things were part of our Lenten journey this year.

Holy Week

As we turned to Holy Week, I wanted to make it special for the kids and meaningful for our whole family. Yes, the kids are young (4 and 1 1/2), but that just means that we'll either start building some great family spiritual life memories, or I'll figure out some ideas that don't work and can do even better ones when they'll remember it even more! :) 

On Palm Sunday, we cut palms from our own property to take to church (how cool is that?!).  I was teaching Sunday School for the kids that day, so it was a lot of fun to reenact Jesus riding a donkey into Jerusalem with the crowd laying clothes and palm branches as a carpet for Jesus the King to ride on!  The children sang “Hosanna, hosanna, praise the King!”

On Maundy Thursday night we set up the living room to reenact foot washing at the Last Supper.  The coffee table is the right height for the kids' lawn chairs and Jonathan and I "reclined at the table" on the couch cushions.  We had tortillas that night, which I thought made for good unleavened bread and cherry plum SOBO (SOuthern BOttling Co.) soda for our "wine."  The kids were immediate fans of this activity once they got to have soda!

 First we washed the kids' feet and then Micah asked to wash Daddy's feet, which was really special.

 

I did Rachel's twice because she just wanted to play in the water longer. 

  

While Jonathan washed my feet, the kids wrestled on the cushions...do you think the disciples ever wrestled?  Probably not THAT night!  

Don't worry, she can hold her own!

On Good Friday we didn't do a Tenebrae service at home, but I greatly missed having one.  It was really neat to hear Micah remembering our foot washing "service" in the days and weeks following.  Acting things out really helps a kid think through the events and what they mean.  It also provides a great opportunity for us as parents to talk about it with our kids! 

On Holy Saturday, it was always a tradition in my family to dye Easter eggs.  Our eggs are brown here, so I wasn’t sure how they would dye (now people tell me they’re even better than white eggs!), so I thought we’d get creative with avocados.   

Our avocado tree has produced hundreds of avos throughout Lent, most of which we sold to our house helper to then resell in the market for her family.  I decided that taking a dozen avocados to paint for Easter was a good, contextual (for where we live) idea.  

 This way, we could have something for an egg hunt on Easter.  After all, no one seems to have heard of plastic Easter eggs around here (except Americans), so obviously they don't sell them here.  Micah and Rachel really enjoyed painting their “eggs” and hunting for them throughout the yard on Sunday.   

 We also used sidewalk chalk to decorate a rock in our backyard that resembles an egg :-).

Easter Sunday

Our Easter centerpiece
No one is on the cross...
No one is in the grave...
Christ is Risen!  He is Risen Indeed!
Three candles symbolize the Father, Son and Holy Spirit

  On Easter Sunday (and the days leading up to it), we had quite a lot of lengthy power outages.  This made preparing Easter meal a bit tricky.  Let’s just say I’m really thankful for our propane stove…and if you ever wondered what happens to jello if you mix it up and don’t put it in the fridge until 7 hours later, it still gels!!!  Who knew?!?!?

Jonathan preached at Maone BIC church on Easter Sunday.  I found myself mourning the loss of having Micah and Rachel hear songs they know where we usually go (in English) and Micah getting to go to Sunday School to have the Easter story and craft, but at the same time, it was special being in a totally different place for this high, holy day of the Christian year – worshiping and rejoicing with our Malawian brothers and sisters in Christ!  It made it easier not to be at home with all the familiar things and people I expect at Easter because I didn’t even expect much to be familiar.  The kids did well in the service until partway through the sermon, so I took them outside (where at least half the other moms and children were) and read Arch Bible storybooks to them.  The Malawian kids seemed to like them, and even though they probably couldn't hear me reading in a hushed voice, we left room for them to see the pictures and they leafed through the books we weren't currently reading.  Having books is pretty rare for a lot of Malawian families.  I was happy to have some small books with neat pictures of Bible stories to be able to "share" with them for the day. 

We got a care package from the Grantham Church a few days before Easter (sent just after Christmas!) which included Easter stickers, so I took them along and gave them out to the kids after church.  They loved them, but they all put them on their skin (hand, forehead) rather than their clothes!  Very interesting...

 

  I missed my family a lot on Easter and wish we could have just popped over to their place for dinner.  In some ways it's nice to be here to really shape our family traditions as the kids grow up in ways we may not have taken the time to do when involved in a church full of programs (Yay duck).  But at the same time, I do really miss some of those programs as well (Yuck duck).  I grieve the loss of having family close by, especially on holidays (Yuck duck), but I'm also so thankful for this time where I can see our kids growing and asking questions they wouldn't be asking in PA, most likely (Yay duck).  The "yay" and "yuck" ducks are so strong some days, I'm glad they taught us about holding both of them at the same time and allowing them to be what they are.  It's so painful at times, though.  

Our avocado "egg" hunt

A Mom's "Giving Up" for Lent

Disclaimer:  This is more of a post for my "mommy friends" I miss so much from back home than a missionary's musings...but all are welcome to read!  Be entertained, and perhaps even inspired!

Today, as we begin Lent, I thought I’d think through "giving up" something for this season through Easter Sunday.  I haven't done this in a while.  The goal of “giving something up for Lent” is to remind yourself of Jesus’ sacrifice for you each time you would otherwise do or eat whatever you gave up.  Ideally, you can use the time you would have used doing what you gave up to spend more focused time praying or reading Scripture to help center you on the character of Christ and really identify with His suffering.  By entering into His suffering and death during Lent, we see our own humanity and need, and prepare to enter all the more into the life offered to us at Christ’s resurrection on Easter.  

As a stay-at home mom, however, I have struggled with this idea.  A mother of young children gives up a lot already...but with little time to step back and fill it with other things (the kids fill it quite fully).  I really want to be practical in my spiritual discipline.  So, humor me here, and explore some of the ideas I came up with:

•  I decided to give up filtering water for Lent.  It will save me a lot of time that I can use for Bible reading.  Plus, every time I go to drink water, I will be reminded to pray even harder for good health and protection! 
•  I decided to give up bathing the kids for Lent.  It will save time and water and there will be many fewer tantrums and screaming about water getting into their eyes (reducing my need for patience).  This is made even easier when there is a water outage.  We will just play in the rain.  
•  I decided to give up changing diapers for Lent.  Again, this will save me a lot of time.  So, each time Rachel needs to be changed, I’ll just go to a quiet place and read my Bible instead. 
•  I decided to give up giving the kids snacks.  This way, each time they want to eat between meals, I will send them to get it for themselves and I will read them Scripture as they do so.  
•  I decided to give up feeding the dog for Lent.  This way, each time the dog begs for food, I will be reminded of Jesus’ sacrifice for me. 
• I decided to give up washing dishes for Lent.  The enormous amount of time saved by doing so will allow me to serve others as Jesus served us.
• I decided to give up answering my 3-year-old's questions, starting with "Why?"  In this way, I will have a LOT more brain power to offer to spiritual things.
• I decided to give up my free time for Lent.  Oh wait, I gave that up when we had kids…

Poor Simba...waiting for her breakfast.

Of course, these ideas are absurd and don’t really get around to the true purpose behind giving something up for Lent.  As I thought about giving something up I felt a bit defeated.  By giving something up, I’m to make room in my schedule, my mind and my heart to allow Jesus in; to meditate on his sacrifice for me and the sacrifice I am called to offer back to him through my life and living. 

But, instead of “giving up” this year, I think I will attempt to embrace the intended end of that loss by humbly opening up to receive.  So, instead of giving up something this Lent, I’m actually looking to fill up.  

I want to fill up with the sense that God has something to say to me (opening my ears to listen).  

I want to fill up with the love Jesus expressed while He walked this earth, chatting, healing, teaching, and loving people.   

I want to fill up with a new understanding of God’s grace and forgiveness not only for me, but also for those to whom I have not yet given grace or forgiveness.   

I want to fill up the empty spaces in my soul – not with meaningless excuses for fulfillment, but with the deep challenges God calls me to consider and respond to in the way I speak, act and think. 

 

So, here is my revised list of ideas:

Our water filter and dispenser,
visited frequently throughout each day.

• When I filter water for my family to have safe drinking water throughout Lent, I will try to think about the Living Water Jesus wants to fill me with and how I can let it flow from me to others:  “…Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’” – John 7:37b-38  

On the bathroom mirror next to the bathtub:
Lord, wash me...
Create in me a pure heart...
Renew a steadfast spirit in me...
Restore the joy of your salvation
Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.
(taken from Psalm 51:7b, 10, 12)

•  As I give my kids baths during Lent, I can think about how very much fun they have splashing in the water, repeatedly filling buckets and dumping them out again, squeezing sponges and filling them back up again, experimenting with water using funnels, old yogurt containers and little plastic boats.  God delights in us finding joy in Him.  Lent is a time pointing to Easter, the most joyous mark on the Christian calendar!    But, my kids really hate the part when I wash their hair and then insist on rinsing them off, too!  They just want to play.  As I bathe them, I can think about the parts of me that don’t want to let God in.  The parts where I want to keep the dirt in my hair and grime under my nails.  The parts I think I can hide from God, but he desperately wants to wash clean, knowing that I will be better for it and closer to him after I let Him.  So I will examine my heart and life asking:  What am I keeping from God?  How am I selfish and stubborn?  How can God move in me, or how can I move for God?

 

Signs tied onto the diaper basket:
"If anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation;
the old has gone,
the new has come!"
2 Corinthians 5:17

•  As I change and wash diapers for my daughter, I can think about what is inside of me that needs to come out!  Lent is a time of introspection, turning to take a look inside ourselves to acknowledge our vulnerabilities as humans and our deep need for God’s forgiveness and new life.  One remarkable characteristic of God is His mercy on us.  He doesn’t just forgive us once or twice, here or there (I don’t just change her diaper once or twice and let it go the other times), He forgives us each time we come before Him to say “I’m sorry, I messed up…again.”  Each time, He has mercy on us and grants forgiveness over and over and over and over again. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” – Ephesians 4:22-24 

 

•  When my children ask for snacks during Lent, I will try to consider how God hears my requests and responds to them.  Sometimes my kids whine for a snack, seeming assuming that I won’t give it to them (otherwise, wouldn’t they just ask?).  Sometimes my kids grunt for a snack they see and want (feeling that they are entitled to what they want and assuming I know what they’re talking about).  Sometimes my kids just act grumpy, so I know it is time for a healthy snack.  How do these scenarios parallel how I address God?  How should I address God?  “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:11-12 

• When I feed the dog throughout Lent, I can think of Jesus’ sacrifice for me.  A little from Bobby* is helpful here:  “He [Jesus] pleads to be spared the dreaded hour come round at last, the bitter cup of suffering.  Three times he asks!  But in the end he says yes; he wills to do his Father’s will, whatever the cost.  And this is what Jesus asks of us during Lent, to say no and yes: ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me’ (Mk 8:34)” 

•  When I wash the dishes that are dirtied each day at our house, I will be thankful for the food that was on them.  I will thank God for the nourishing foods we are able to buy, prepare and eat.  I will pray for those who even live next door to me who do not have such variety.  I will ask God how we can responsibly “share our bread” with those who have none or little.  Lent is also a time to turn and take a look outside yourself, taking into account what it really means to follow Jesus and in so doing, serving others as He would.

•  Free time…well, I still won’t have much of this, but when I do, I will try to ask myself some questions.  If I feel like watching a movie – why?  Is it to escape something?  Is it to be entertained? Is it to rest?  Watching movies (depending on the film) is not wrong, but it can be something we use to temporarily fill us up when we could be more sufficiently filled up through another activity.  God certainly promotes rest, but often, an activity done in the name of rest, can leave me more exhausted then when I started!  Like when I stay up too late to watch a movie that wasn’t all that great.  Perhaps, I should be quiet for a little, journal, create something, write to a friend and just go to bed early!

And as for answering the endless questions of my 3-year-old, well, when I mentioned the idea at lunch today, this dialogue followed:

Me: I have an idea!  I am going to give up answering the question "why?" for Lent.

Micah:  Why?

Me: Oh dear...

The question "why?" is so intriguing, enticing and irresistible.  Yes, I will continue to give creatively detailed answers to my son's blunt why-questions, but I will try to have an ounce more patience each time, knowing that I am investing in his understanding of the world - his worldview.  I suppose that is what Jesus would do.  After all, He came to re-frame the way we think about things, to bring a Kingdom where things seem upside-down in the way they are done (a King serving his followers, calling us to love our enemies, bless those who curse you, etc.) and to love us unconditionally, even when we are annoying.  Besides, in some small way, I can identify with Jesus' suffering as I attempt to answer the "why" question about absolutely everything!

*Living the Christian Year: Time to Inhabit the Story of God” by Bobby Gross p. 133.